My Call to Action

My Sister Passed away on March 11, 2019

It was one year ago March 11 that my older sister, Fall Ferguson, died of diabetic-related health conditions. If that sounds vague, it is because we do not know exactly what caused her death, or even exactly how diabetic she was. We do know that she died of congestive heart failure and other conditions associated with or exasperated by diabetes. My family has a history of adult-onset diabetes, and many years ago she was diagnosed as pre-diabetic, so I am assuming that she was diabetic. The reason we do not know the exact cause of death is that she did not go to see a doctor and did not have an exact diagnosis or name for her ailment. Even stranger still, my sister was the Chair of the Holistic Health Education program at John F. Kennedy University in the east bay area of California. My sister was one of, if not the most, brilliant people I have known. She had studied numerous health modalities, allopathic, homeopathic, traditional, alternative, etc.,  from around the world and knew more about the public health system in our country than anyone I had ever met. She even studied Ayurveda, my chosen field of health and wellness. Not only was she brilliant, but she was also intensely passionate about the health and well-being of people, their access to adequate health care and how our culture fosters health amongst our population. Of particular importance to my sister was a movement to counter the intense pressure put on women in our culture to look a certain way, have the right body to please others, and the damage this pressure causes to the self-esteem of so many girls and women in our culture. She spent a lot of energy helping women find self-acceptance and challenging our culture’s tendency to body-shame anyone who did not fit the ideal body type.  To sum it up, Fall was a brilliant health education expert passionately and vigorously promoting health in general and the well-being of women suffering under a repressive culture of unattainable body perfection. And she essentially died of complications from obesity, including diabetes.

She was as brilliant as she was strong

I was not as close to my sister during those last 20 years as I wish I had been, and when she died I was so impressed to learn about how many women she helped, how much she contributed to public awareness of body-shaming, and how brilliantly and vigorously she fought to change our culture’s attitude towards what health looks like. Her vast knowledge of health and health systems, her expertise in planning, creating programs and curriculum, and her organizational capabilities made her invaluable to many organizations, departments, and programs. And her death at 55 years of age became even more tragic to me because she was such a force for positive change in our world. At the same time, it made me angry at her. I was angry that she did not take that knowledge, determination and drive and apply it to her health. I was angry that she left me, and my family, and the 180 other people that showed up to mourn the loss of her powerful spirit when she had so much to give. And I was so angry because she had the knowledge about health, her health and how to heal within her, but chose not to take action to care for herself. Now I knew that my sister had a hard time with body issues as a child and adolescent. I knew she had suffered from bullying and sexual abuse as a teenager and in college. But I also know that she was aware of therapies and treatment to deal with the pain and suffering she felt from that trauma. I know that she had my other sister, who was close to her and involved in her life, who supported her and a family that wanted to help. I stewed in these thoughts of anger and I judged my sister for not taking action to improve her health.

Finding Meaning in her Passing

Then I remembered something Fall had said during one of our visits a few years ago. She had said “I know that I am well overweight, but I am no different than anyone else. I just wear my pain where everyone else can see it all the time”. I asked myself why Fall’s death was triggering so much anger in me, and then it hit me. Her death was a reflection of my life, and I was just more clever at hiding the negative habits and behaviors that I use to cope with the trauma and pain life throws at us, and the habitual eating patterns I hold on to. I too use food as a primary coping mechanism for dealing with uncomfortable feelings. In my lifetime I have used marijuana extensively (stopped doing it 20 years ago), dabbled with drugs and drank enough alcohol to know I should drink less. But overeating has been a consistent form of coping with the stress of life. I think my whole family has issues with eating well, and that makes us a lot like many American families across the United States. As an athlete and adrenaline fiend, I kept myself in good enough shape that no one would suspect I was a sugar addict, but I display many of the characteristics that point towards compulsive eating. I often eat “bad foods” when no else is looking. I binge on sugar-laden foods and I often give in to cravings. I hide my poor dietary choices from those that I think will judge me poorly for my choices.  Every time I walk through our kitchen at home, I grab something to snack on whether I am hungry or not. I study Ayurvedic health science, but I am not following an Ayurvedic diet nearly as well as I could. I was doing exactly what my sister did, maybe not to the same extremes that she did, but still the same. It occurs to me that I too am at risk for adult-onset diabetes.

Fall’s Death brings Me New Inspiration

About a year ago, I was participating in a webinar with my partner, Victoria Kromhout, as part of my training to become an Ayurvedic Wellness Counselor with a fantastic Ayurvedic doctor born in India and practicing in Santa Cruz, Dr. Vaidya Suhas G. Kshirsagar, BAMS, MD (Ayu. India). And Dr. Suhas (he uses his first name to make it easy for westerners) looked us in the eye through the webcam and said “Can you follow the recommendations that will be making to people as an Ayurvedic practitioner? Are you living a Sattvic life?” And I remember looking at Victoria and we both said to each other, “not really”. And to be clear, we eat fairly healthy diets and live a far cleaner, healthier lives than many Americans. But we were not adhering to the principles of Sattvic living and optimal diet to balance our doshas. And now my sister’s early demise is making me realize I am at risk of repeating the same pattern that she, my father, and his father followed to adult-onset diabetes. It is time to make a change.

Moving Forward

Since I first started writing this post, the COVID-19 virus has turned our world upside in a few short days. I am relegated to holing up with my wonderful partner Victoria and our kids. My oldest daughter, Jaz Ferguson, is coming to stay with us as she transitions to a new chapter in her life. We are facing a major election in a few months, the economy and jobs are less certain, and no one knows exactly how it will all work out. This kind of chaos is the time I would habitually turn to food for comfort, so what better time to take a close look at my relationship to food, how it affects me, my loved ones and my future. I am called to take action, now!

Here are the steps I am committing to today:

• Go to a doctor and get blood tests to see if I show signs of being pre-diabetic.
  • This has to wait until COVID-19 lets up and doctors are seeing patients again.
• Cut refined sugar out of my diet as much as possible, including candy from the candy jar at work, baked goods (even the fresh cupcakes that are baked in my house every week and Victoria’s from-scratch blueberry pancakes), sugar in my coffee, and any other foods with refined sugar.
• Track my diet and evaluate my food choices against the foods best suited to balance my current doshic imbalance (more on that in  later blog posts and web pages)
  • Chose 2 foods that exasperate my doshic imbalance and replace them with 2 foods that pacify my aggravated dosha
• Keep Alcohol consumption to a minimum (1-2 times per week or less)
• Keep a food diary and share it with all of you (on My Fitness Pal)

And I will get a video out on my Youtube Channel soon too.

Heres to a better life!

Cheers, Oso.